One time in freshman year I was trying to find a cool place to party and my dumbass friend ended up sending me  to a gay party. I decided to make the best of it and found out a number of cool things about gays:1) Elton John is no longer their overlord. Lady Gaga is.
2) Gay people have sex a lot more than straight people do
3) Depending on the circumstance it is actually acceptable to us the word “fag”
4) There are a lot of well disguised transsexuals out there. Watch out.

Anyway after the party I went back with a few of my new friends and they were hilarious and offered to give me free weed so I went along with them. (I know what you are thinking and trust me I knew that there was zero possibility of me getting raped because if it came down to it in a physical confrontation I could easily have overpowered them)

When we finally got back I got retarded high and left with my eyes so red that Satan himself would have been scared.

Ravenous munchies overtook me and I scrambled through my tiny fridge for anything edible. I found a bag of popcorn and on the bag it said to heat for 4 minutes but listen until you only hear the popping sound every second then take it out. I read this three times so I won’t forget and walk to the laundry room where the microwave was located in my dorm all and throw it in setting it for 4 minutes, thinking that it would probably only take two. No one else was there. I think this occurred around 4am.

I get a call from one of the guys who I had been hanging out with earlier. He needed to be let in so he could return a sweatshirt one of my friends had left in his room. Unfortunately during this we started talking about something and I realized I had forgotten about my popcorn. I sprint back to the room knowing full well it has been much longer than 2 minutes and open the microwave door. Immediately a giant thick cloud of smoke burst out and my stoned reflexes were not fast enough to react in time. Within about two seconds the entire laundry room was about half full of smoke, and it reeked of burnt popcorn.

I tried opening the windows and fanning out the smoke but it didn’t budge at all. And yes the smoke alarms all went off in not just one but TWO buildings. The blood ringing sounds were going to wake everyone up so I fled the scene of the crime and ran to my friends dorm in the opposite tower where I hid for the next two hours and witnessed an entire sea of pissed off tired and cold people march out of the towers and onto the grass.

The fire department thought i was necessary to bring three firetrucks to the scene and have the entire brigade rush in like it was 9/11. It took them more than an hour to figure out that some idiot kid had just burnt the popcorn and everything was ok. Thank you firefighters.

After everybody had walked in I went back and the next morning of course everyone was asking about “Who burnt the popcorn?!” To which I replied “Yeah who the fuck did that?!”

So thanks to cannabis I managed to cause mass chaos and hysteria. Don’t do drugs kids.